Godzilla Standup Comedy Routine

 

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm here all the way from Tokyo, Japan! You might know me as the king of the monsters, the big G, the one and only Godzilla!

You know, it's tough being a giant fire-breathing lizard. People always assume the worst about me. Like, I'm just trying to enjoy my day and then suddenly, "Oh no, it's Godzilla! Run for your lives!"

But let's be real, folks. I'm not all bad. Sure, I've destroyed a few cities here and there, but who hasn't had a bad day? You think it's easy being the size of a skyscraper? Do you know how hard it is to find clothes that fit?

And don't even get me started on dating. It's not easy finding someone who's into a 300-foot tall radioactive monster. I've tried Tinder, but it always ends in disaster. Literally.

And speaking of disasters, have you ever tried to order a pizza when you're my size? It's a nightmare. "Can I get a large pepperoni, extra cheese, hold the buildings?" I mean, come on, it's not like I can help it.

But despite all the challenges, I'm still here, doing my thing. And honestly, I'm just glad to be out of the ocean. Have you seen the stuff people dump in there? It's disgusting.

So next time you see me stomping around, just remember: I'm not here to hurt anyone. I'm just a misunderstood giant lizard trying to get by in this crazy world. And if you can't appreciate that, then maybe you're the real monster.

Thank you and goodnight, Tokyo!